| . |
[08 May 2008|10:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 predatory |
] |
I want to scream all the secrets I've been keeping inside.
Go to the waves of the ocean, let them eat my secrets alive.
I'll let myself go forever at the base of the sea.
Where I can be engulfed by the waves, just nature and me.
My secrets won't be traced as my footprints wash away.
Maybe one day you will feel me touch your cheek in the ocean spray.
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| slipping |
[30 Apr 2008|02:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radio |
] |
Fuck him.
Fuck her.
Fuck it.
And most especially Fuck you.
The english language is so lovely, dontchya think.
|
|
| Dragging me along. |
[09 Apr 2008|11:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
American Footbal |
] |
I feel nothing.
Tell me how I should feel.
I'm just empty inside
|
|
|
[06 Apr 2008|09:45pm] |
|
Sometimes, you just have to let things go.
|
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| There is no |
[15 Mar 2008|02:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
There is no modern romance. It only appears in literature and movies.
I'm pretty sure I'm completely over feeling this. I need something new, not this lackluster love.
|
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| gone |
[03 Mar 2008|12:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jets to brazil |
] |
I'm completely unraveling.
By morning,
All that there will be left of me
Will be threads.
|
|
| Unclever |
[26 May 2007|12:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kate NAsh |
] |
I'm tearing myself apart,
Crawling at my insides,
Biting holes into the inners of my cheek.
He's still at the motel
I Checked out days ago.
Beauty is behind me.
I grow old as I look back
At just how far I've come.
I know the end of the road is far away,
Yet i deceive myself,
With squinting eyes,
That I can see the end.
My body believes it.
My soul consumes it.
And I eat myself alive.
|
|
| The made a statue of us |
[04 Apr 2007|12:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Us-Regina Spektor |
] |
Little thoughts you wind me up so tight.
My body is falling apart. Between my body falling apart and going insane naturally, I've been engulfed by photography. My inspiration for my final projects lies within photographers Cindy Sherman and Francesca Woodman. Francesca Woodman's work has channeled an extra bit of insanity in me. For the past few week, I've been waking up hours before i need to with coughing fits. Now that my cold has been tamed, although still with me, I still wake up hours early before I need to. I wake up with this craving of photography and thinking of ideas for my final project. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm going insane, almost in a good way, a fully inspired way. I just need to start doing. I have ten prints due April 16th. Still deciding whether or not i want to shoot with 100 or 400speed. When shooting people i lamopst always use 100. I love the clarity of it, but whereas this project is alittle more dark and mysterious, plus the fact that i used 400 for my last project that came out pretty amazing, I'm leaning towards the 400. Part of my work and some of the others are hanging in the Versinage's* gallery at Umass Lowell. If you're there, check it out.
I also hate waiting for my period. I stare down at my uterus and want to scream at it. Just bleed already. Trickle down my leg for all i care. I can already feel you tearing down your wall.
Blessed are those who care and love for you even when you are insane. Ryan is my rock and I find it scary, yet empowering how much I have changed in these past 9 months that we have been dating. I'm not saying that either of us are perfect nor is our relationship, but we love each other. There is one thing that i have learned, love is painful. I mean that in a positive light.
<3 Goodnight.
|
|
|
[16 Oct 2006|11:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
distressed |
] |
My name is Christine and I think I might be bipolar.
|
|
| ...and through it all he still loves me. |
[05 Oct 2006|11:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Great Golden Baby~ Circa Survive |
] |
Dear ,
She says she tries to be happy, but all she feels is sadness. She just wants to make him happy, but how is she to make him happy when she does not know happiness. She has forgotten what happiness feels like. He gets upset. "But why are you so sad," he asks. She can not answer. She can not find words for the depth of darkness that her soul is entrapt in. She leaves his question unanswered. He gets sad that she is sad and sadness turn to anger. Who is he to blame for the sadness? No one but she. She is frail with heavy thoughts on her shoulders.
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|
[28 May 2006|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Histrionics by The Higher |
] |
Dear dede,
Honestly this week has been more than amazing. My summer definitely started Thursday which was quite possibly one of my favorite days in forever.I would love to tell you about it, but I would be here forever describing my day and if I didn't put in all the details you just might not get how fucking amzing it was. FRiday and yesterday were just as badass. I love people and I love summer. :0)
This summer, I'm going to climb mountains. I'm going to touch the sky.
|
|
| basically, |
[25 May 2006|03:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
For some reason I just freaked, but i really like him, right. I feel so dead inside. I'm fucking everything up. My head is ticking.
Now I feel like shit and everything hurts and I have no one to talk to because I don't like to talk about my feelings outload. No one to trust anyway. Right now, i hate so much and so many people and it's because all i do is judge judge judge. sick. i hate people who judge.
It's 3:30 and for some reason I want to hang out with Geoff and I don't know why. I just feel like if I do things will be better.
The only person taht I could prob talk to is Brad because he's probably seen me at my worst. Then again that freak out scared him away for months.
Can someone please tell me what I'm feeling or at least describe it to me because I can't even put into comprehendable words. If I tried it would come out as some "stuff highschool girls used to write that no one but them could understand, that they called poetry." something along the lines of that said by ditch.
I heart John Clegg. I'm iming him now and I with this
JCleg: chill out ur 19
JCleg: everything is fine
I feel a whole lot better. kinda.
|
|
|
[20 May 2006|01:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Was it a Dream?~30stm |
] |
Last night was really good. We both got out some things that we needed to and I think he realizes that I'm going to be there for him.
Man, do I like him.
but I hate basically everyhing else. ha.
Oh man. I need to go to sleepies.
I'm still scared out of my mind.
|
|
| <333 |
[03 May 2006|04:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fully alive- Flyleaf |
] |
He makes me happy.
just wow.
<3
|
|
| I swear |
[29 Apr 2006|11:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
If I didn't have to live with my brother, happiness might have been tangible.
|
|
| le fin |
[03 Apr 2006|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
TBS_This photo is proof |
] |
Fuck. Hate now consumes my body. I'll never find anyone. You're all worthless.
|
|
| I wanna be exposed |
[29 Mar 2006|11:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Teddy Geiger |
] |
For once,
Why can't I get fucked in my dreams instead of either getting myself off or like last night me making a weird playboy tv-esque video. wtf?
At least Matty is having good sex.WTF man, share the wealth.
I miss tans, blond hair, and duh summer.
x Livvie o: i just farted
XoWildCat22oX: loud? smelly?
x Livvie o: neither surprisngly
I love her.
Omg.Imagine if I stopped thinking about him for one day of my life. Goddammit.
Maybe it was love.
|
|
| rut rut rut |
[22 Mar 2006|12:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Fuck you! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Your destruction_MELTDOWN |
] |
So basically if everyone died,I think I'd be okay with it.
kill.
|
|
|
[20 Mar 2006|11:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
I can't remember the last time I was trully happy?
Yesterday I was in a dec. mood because of hammer bros, but then he ruined it. Actually, this time they ruined. I don't know why I let people bother me. I guess when it was someone you cared about who shits on you... it's a little difficult to handle.
Seriously, I didnt sign up for this. Why is it that people constantly shit on me.
just fuck.
|
|
| Best advice I can give you |
[01 Mar 2006|11:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Defiant Hearts |
] |
"When pleasuring yourself don't fantasize of someone who has fucked you over. It will fuck you up."
:0)
|
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